T'was the Day Before Prixin
by 50of47
Summary: Late in the sixth year of the journey, several days after the events of "Lifeline." The Captain is nostalgic for Christmases past.


DISCLAIMER: The Startrek:Voyager universe: Paramount's. The J/C departures from canon: mine. Profit: I wish.

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: Late in the sixth year of the journey, several days after the events of "Lifeline." The Captain is nostalgic for Christmases past.

T'was the Day Before Prixin

By 50of47

_T'was the day before Prixin,  
And all through the ship,  
Not a creature was stirring,  
Except for the captain…_

0200 hours. Kathryn lay in bed, unable to fall back asleep. Rather than waking the man lying beside her with her tossing and turning, she quietly eased herself out of bed and padded to the bathroom. Chakotay had finished a double shift several hours earlier, and Kathryn didn't want to disturb his well-earned rest. She took down the tunic and leggings she kept for nights like this on a shelf next to her towels. Pulling the garments on, she left her quarters and headed for Deck 2.

The mess hall was almost entirely dark, with only a few lights on in Neelix's galley to illuminate her way to the replicator. She ordered herself a cup of tea and then moved over to make herself comfortable on one of the couches facing the viewport. Putting her feet up, Kathryn settled in for some private time with the stars and her thoughts.

Neelix almost didn't see her when he entered the mess hall a half hour later. "Captain! Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine, Neelix," she said holding up her mug. "I woke up a little while ago, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I thought some tea and stargazing might help. I'm surprised to see you up this early."

Neelix came over and joined her on the couch. "I took a nap right after the dinner shift, Captain. I wanted to come in a few hours before the breakfast rush and finish up some last minute details for the First Night of Prixen."

"Thank you for your hard work, Neelix. Prixin has become one of the crew's favorite holidays. I think it makes all of us feel a little less lonely around this time of year."

"My pleasure, Captain. It does seem to be very popular."

Kathryn nodded and smiled, and then looked out of the viewport.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, watching the unfamiliar stars until Neelix remembered something. "If I might say, Captain, you've seemed preoccupied ever since the last datastream," he said. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"There's no bad news, Neelix, if that's what you're concerned about. As you know, Pathfinder found a way to squeeze in holiday greetings for the crew when they sent the Doctor back to Voyager," she said. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve back on Earth, and I'm just feeling a little nostalgic, that's all."

"You miss your family," Neelix said.

"That, and all the holiday traditions we shared over the years. Right now, home seems a lot farther away than usual."

"Is being lost in the Delta Quadrant the first time you've been away from your family at Christmas?"

"No, not really, Neelix," she answered. "When you serve in Starfleet, you have to accept the fact that you might not see your family for years at a time when you're on a mission. You get used to it, but staying in touch is a lot easier in Federation space. That helps when the holidays roll around."

At that moment, the mess hall doors hissed open to admit a very sleepy Chakotay. He looked at Kathryn and said, "I reached over for you and you weren't there."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I came up here for a cup of tea. I was trying to make sure at least one of us got an unbroken night's rest," she said with a smile. Kathryn took a final swallow of her tea.

"I've enjoyed our little talk, Captain, but why don't the two of you head back to bed now? I'll see you both at breakfast," said Neelix.

Kathryn nodded and handed over the mug as Chakotay mumbled a few polite words to say goodnight. Neelix watched with a smile as they left with arms draped around one another. His face grew thoughtful as he walked into his galley to finalize his preparations for the First Night of Prixin.

~*~

"Good morning, Commander. Were you able to get back to sleep?" Neelix asked, as Chakotay came through the breakfast line.

"Yes, Neelix, thank you. I feel pretty rested, but I wish I could say the same for the Captain. We're in a quiet sector, so I persuaded her to sleep in for another hour or two. She'll be along later."

"I'll be sure to keep something warm for her, then." Neelix thought for a moment, and then asked, "By the way, what's your schedule like for the rest of the day?"

"I'm covering the Bridge until the Captain comes on duty, and then it's my office and paperwork. Is there a problem?"

"No, no problem. I just need to go over a few last minute Prixin details with you."

"Fine, Neelix. Why don't I comm you once I'm finally settled in my office and we'll work out a time."

"Will do, Commander. Enjoy your breakfast."

~*~

The rest of the day was as routine as the past several had been. The captain reported a few hours late for her shift, to some good-natured ribbing from Tom Paris, but everyone on the Bridge was quietly pleased that Chakotay had finally been able to persuade the Captain to take better care of herself since they had become a couple a few months ago.

Alpha shift ended uneventfully. Chakotay lingered in his office a few minutes to finish up, then headed for Kathryn's quarters and dinner. He entered her cabin to the sound of Christmas music playing quietly in the background.

The aroma of vegetable biryani filled the air, but the table was not set. Kathryn turned away from the replicator and said, "I thought we would make ourselves comfortable and eat over there," she said, motioning toward the couch.

Chakotay saw the computer terminal sitting on the coffee table and asked, "Is this to be a working dinner, Kathryn? I thought we'd covered everything two nights ago."

"We did, but if there's anything you'd like to add…"

"Only that Neelix came to see me this afternoon."

"Oh?"

"Nothing you need worry about. He just had a few last minute details for Prixin to run past me. It's all taken care of."

They settled themselves on the couch. Kathryn snuggled up against Chakotay and said, "I'm really looking forward to Prixin tomorrow night. It'll be good to spend some 'family time' with the crew."

"Neelix mentioned his conversation with you in the mess hall this morning. He said you really missed being home for Christmas."

"My mother's message brought back a lot of old memories," said Kathryn. "My terminal's on the coffee table because I was going to play back an old vid before I reported for duty this morning, but there wasn't time."

"What about now?"

"Christmas isn't your tradition, Chakotay. I'm not sure I want to burden you with me when I'm feeling nostalgic."

"It may not be my tradition, Kathryn, but I still remember how much Christmas meant to some of my crew on the _Val Jean_. I always found a way to squeeze in time for it, even when we were in the middle of a mission. Share this with me?"

"All right, but after we've eaten. Sentimentality can get a little sloppy with me."

They finished their meal. Chakotay got up and put the dishes in the recycler, and then returned and settled himself back on the couch. Kathryn smirked at him and said, "Just remember, I warned you." She grabbed a handful of tissues and settled herself comfortably in his arms, which had already started to creep around her by this time. "Computer, play Janeway Nostalgia 1."

The screen came to life. Gretchen Janeway's face appeared, just a few years older than her daughter Kathryn was now.

"Kathryn, I know you won't be home for Christmas this year or the next, so Phoebe and I went through all the old vids and picked out some Christmas memories we thought you'd enjoy. Of course, we'll be carrying on with all the usual family traditions this year as best we can, but it won't be quite the same without you."

Gretchen paused for a moment to consider her next words. "I know how close you were to your father, Kathryn. He loved you very much, and would have been so proud to see what you've become. Merry Christmas, daughter."

Her image faded from the screen. The first scene that came up showed a large farmhouse living room with comfortable furniture and a blazing stone fireplace, an enormous Christmas tree covered with glittering ornaments, a table groaning with food and surrounded by family and friends. Chakotay smiled as he recognized the three-year-old Kathryn Janeway.

Kathryn paused the playback occasionally to explain things as the lovingly chosen scenes faded in and out. The little girl grew, another baby girl joined the family, relatives and friends arrived for Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas Day open house. Santa Claus, complete with white curly beard, ate a sugar cookie as two wide-eyed little girls peeked out at him from the hallway. Carolers were invited to come in out of the snow and get warm by the fire. The years continued to roll past, showing additions and subtractions around the table, with Kathryn and her sister growing into adulthood as their parents grew older.

The final scene was of the entire family that last Christmas before her father's accident. It had been recorded for their yearly electronic greeting card. Kathryn and her father stood proudly side-by-side in 'Fleet uniforms. The Admiral had one arm around his oldest daughter and the other around Gretchen, who had her arm around Phoebe. The family radiated happiness as each person spoke a few words in turn, and then called out "Happy Holidays" together.

The screen faded through black to the smiling face of Phoebe Janeway, sitting on the floor and holding onto a nearly eight-months-old squirming black Labrador puppy. "You don't think I'd let Mother record this datachip without me sticking my nose in too, do you? Don't worry about your friend here. She's been fitting in just fine with my menagerie at home, and we'll both be waiting for you when you get back. I hope Santa finds you in the Beta Quadrant. Merry Christmas, Sis."

Kathryn had long since dissolved into sniffles and weepy eyes. She reached over and grabbed another tissue to swipe at her nose as the playback ended. She smiled at Chakotay through her tears and said, "My mother made that for me so I could take it with me on my first command-level mission to the Beta Quadrant. She didn't want me to miss out on seeing the family at Christmas."

"What a treasure, Kathryn," he said.

"Yes, it was, but I couldn't watch it that first year away from home. I kept trying, but I broke down every time. My father had died a little over a year before, and I missed him like crazy. Finally, my cabinmate got so sick of the bawling that she dragged me off to the mess hall, where the some of the more homesick crew members were having their own little Christmas party. I loaded the datachip into my personal files after Voyager was stranded out here, but I couldn't watch it anymore once I finally realized we wouldn't be getting home any time soon."

"I can understand how it might be difficult to watch under those circumstances," Chakotay said, "but I'm glad you shared it with me, Kathryn. Out of everything, what's your favorite holiday memory?"

"That would have to be my father. He never missed a single Christmas when Phoebe and I were growing up, even when he was working on the Cardassian problem. To this day, I've never been able to figure out how he managed to pull that one off. Some years, he couldn't get away until late on Christmas Eve, so he'd fly in the door at dinnertime with his arms full of presents. There'd be a slightly flustered look on his face that told us he'd gone Christmas shopping at the very last minute before boarding his shuttle. He'd set the presents under the tree and thoroughly hug my mother and Phoebe and me, and then make the rounds and greet all the relatives. He'd finally sit down at the head of the table, and we'd start eating. That's when all the laughter and stories would begin."

She paused for a moment to blow her nose, and Chakotay reached over to wipe away a stray tear. Kathryn smiled and said, "When I remember my family at Christmastime, I know those were the very best times of all."

Chakotay pulled her closer, and they sat quietly for a while until Kathryn's emotions settled. "Feel better?" he asked.

"A little. I guess what's made it so hard for me these past few years is that I expected to be married by now, with children of my own to pass the family traditions down to. So many of my dreams have come true, Chakotay, but it's the ones that have vanished…"

Chakotay put a finger to her lips to silence that thought, and said, "You know, you could still have that dream if you really wanted it."

Kathryn shrugged and stared at the floor. "Maybe. I just keep feeling it's a little late in the day for…" Her sentence ended in a big yawn. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. All this reminiscing has worn me out. Can we finish this discussion later?"

"If you like, Kathryn. Why don't you run yourself a nice hot bath, while I take care of something I just remembered."

"What?"

"Nothing you need to worry about. It'll just take me about twenty minutes."

Kathryn yawned again. "If you take longer than that, I may be asleep by the time you get back."

"I promise not to wake you, unless…"

"Wake me. Do I have to make that an order?" Kathryn tossed a mischievous smirk over her shoulder as she headed for her bath.

"No, ma'am," said Chakotay with a matching smirk as he headed out the door for his quarters.

~*~

_"The first Nowell the angel did say  
was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay;  
in fields where they lay a-keeping their sheep,  
on a cold winter's night that was so deep..."_

Another day on the Bridge passed uneventfully, but it was one with a distinct undercurrent of excitement over that evening's First Night of Prixin celebration. Kathryn was off the bridge like a shot at the end of her shift, while Chakotay lingered in his office to get several things squared away before the celebration. Finally, he commed Kathryn to tell her he was on his way, but first had to make a stop to inspect something Neelix wanted him to see, and then needed to change out of his uniform before meeting up with her for that evening.

~*~

_I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love  
Even more than I usually do  
And although I know it's a long road back  
I promise you..._

I'll be home for Christmas  
You can count on me  
Please have snow and mistletoe  
And presents on the tree

Christmas Eve will find me  
Where the lovelight gleams  
I'll be home for Christmas  
If only in my dreams

Chakotay entered her cabin, wearing dark trousers and a casual shirt and vest that he knew were favorites of hers. Kathryn stood in the middle of her living area, obviously waiting for him. She had on a floor-length sleeveless burgundy velvet dress with an asymmetrical neckline, and glittering holiday jewelry. Chakotay stopped dead in his tracks to drink in her loveliness, appreciation written all over his face.

After a few moments, he ducked his head and said, "Kathryn, there's something I need to show you before we join the rest of the crew for Prixin," he said.

"Can it wait until later, Chakotay? I'm not exactly dressed for duty."

Chakotay took her into his arms and said, "What you're wearing is fine. Just close your eyes, my love, and stay that way until I give you the word. I have a surprise for you." She smiled and closed her eyes, laying her head against his shoulder. "Computer, site to site transport to holodeck two for the Captain and myself."

Once they had rematerialized, Chakotay stepped back for a moment to turn Kathryn around in a specific direction. He then stepped behind her to slip his arms around her waist and pull her to him. "Open your eyes, love."

Kathryn's breath caught in her throat at the sight before her. She was standing in the living room of her childhood home, looking at an enormous decorated tree in front of a large window. Flickering light from the fireplace opposite danced on the hand-blown glass ornaments, glittering angels, and sparking icicles An enormous pile of bright, shiny gold, silver, red, and green presents lay underneath its fragrant boughs. She looked past the tree to see snow falling outside, and heard the faint sound of church bells in the distance.

Kathryn stepped out of Chakotay's embrace to look around the softly illuminated room. Her eyes adjusted to the firelight and glow from Neelix's testle-scented candles on the table filled with Prixin delicacies. She saw mistletoe hanging in all the doorways, Phoebe's grand piano in the corner, her father's armchair by the fireplace.

She turned back to Chakotay and said, "It's exactly as I remember it. But how…"

"It was a combined Maquis, Starfleet, and Talaxian operation, Kathryn," said Chakotay with a grin. "When Neelix came to see me yesterday afternoon, he asked if I knew what your favorite holiday customs were so he could add them in time for tonight. I told him I'd try to find out, but when you played your Beta Quadrant holiday vid for me last night, I knew I'd found what he needed. That's why I excused myself to my quarters."

"I wondered what that was all about, but was really too tired to ask."

"Good thing you didn't, Kathryn. I might have confessed then and there that I was planning to hack into 'Janeway Nostalgia 1.' I copied enough of the file to recreate this setting, and sent it to Tom, Harry, and Neelix with a quick description of Janeway family traditions and asked them to incorporate as much of it as they could into Prixin." He looked away for a moment. "We're all hoping you won't throw the guilty parties in the brig for violating your privacy."

"No, not on Christmas Eve, and certainly not for this," said Kathryn, sentimental tears of gratitude sliding down her cheeks. "This has to be the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I feel as if I'm back home."

"Tom and Harry will be happy to hear it. Neelix had them up most of the night getting all the details just right."

"I thought they both looked tired today."

"It was a labor of love on their part, Kathryn. They were happy to help Neelix out." Chakotay paused for a moment, and then asked, "So tell me, how did they do?"

"Everything is just perfect, Chakotay." Kathryn walked over to the armchair by the fireplace. She sat down and ran her hands along the arms, saying, "They even got my father's special chair just the way I remember it."

Chakotay came over and knelt beside her. "Tell me," he said.

Kathryn smiled at the memory. "When we were little girls, Phoebe and I were allowed to stay up late one night a year, on Christmas Eve after all the relatives had gone home. We'd go get into our pajamas and come back to find my father sitting here in this very chair with one of our favorite books. We'd sit at his feet, and he'd read 'The Night Before Christmas' to us. Of course, we never wanted to go to bed after that, not with all those 'visions of sugarplums' dancing in our heads. It was pretty magical, even after both Phoebe and I figured out why Santa always wore a Starfleet dress uniform when he came to our house."

Chakotay threw back his head and laughed at the mental image Kathryn's last sentence evoked. Before he could say anything further to tease her about it, they both heard the sound of sleigh bells and approaching carolers.

~*~

_It came upon a midnight clear,  
That glorious song of old,  
From angels bending near the earth  
To touch their harps of gold.  
Peace on the earth, good will to men  
From heaven's all gracious King.  
The world in solemn stillness lay  
To hear the angels sing._

The carolers piled out of several large sleighs for their serenade. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly" rang out, sung in an operatic tenor voice and accompanied by a clarinet. It was followed by a very raucous chorus of "fa la la la la, la la la la." The singer continued alternating lines with the chorus to finish the verse.

The Doctor's face appeared at the window as he knocked and sang, "Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go…" Chakotay laughed and said, "Kathryn, I think Tom's gone a little overboard on the authenticity. That's a genuine Indiana Christmas Eve out there."

"Then I guess we'd better let them in, don't you think?" asked Kathryn, with a smirk. They went to the door and threw it open. The Doctor led the crowd in, singing, "Here we come a wassailing among the leaves so green," to the accompaniment of clarinet and feet being stamped to shake off the holographic snow.

Neelix's cheery voice rang out, "This way, everybody," as he emerged from the crowd to lead them to the table. "We have hot chocolate, mulled cider, eggnog, and iced neth, either sweet or spicy, take your pick."

Neelix walked over to the fireplace, where Kathryn had gone to sit again in her father's chair. He first gave Chakotay a nervous glance, but the First Officer just smiled and gave a little nod.

"Neelix, I don't know what to say," said Kathryn, eyes brimming with tears of happiness.

"There's no need to thank me, Captain. I could tell how much you missed your family. Since they couldn't be here with you, we found a way to give you a Janeway Christmas Eve as part of Prixin." He paused for a moment, and gestured with a padd he was holding. "Captain, would you give the traditional First Night salutation?"

"Of course, Neelix." Kathryn took the padd from him and walked to the center of the room, Chakotay close by her side. She waited until the crew had gathered around them to activate the padd and begin.

"Welcome to the First Night of Prixin – the Talaxian observance of familial allegiance. We do not stand alone, we are in the arms of family. Father, mother, sister…" Kathryn's voice faltered.

Chakotay took the padd from her and continued. "We gather on this day to extol the joy of those unshakable bonds. Without them we could not call ourselves complete. On this day we are thankful to be together. We are not alone."

Neelix stepped into the circle and said, "You'll find all your Prixin favorites on the table, along with a few Alpha Quadrant holiday specialties prepared by some of your crewmates." He opened his arms wide and said the traditional words to begin the meal. "The Feast of the First Night awaits. Children, come to the table."

Tom Paris called out, "Computer, play Paris Holiday Music 3." Kathryn shot Tom a grateful look, realizing he had effectively headed off any attempt by the Doctor to commandeer Phoebe's grand piano to regale them all with an impromptu recital of yuletide classics.

The next hour was spent eating and laughing over shared holiday memories. When it came time for dessert, Samantha and Naomi Wildman approached Kathryn with a covered plate. "Permission for the Captain's Assistant to address the Captain," said Naomi.

"Granted," said Kathryn with a barely suppressed smile.

"These are for you," Naomi said shyly, holding up the covered plate. "I made them myself."

Samantha explained. "When Neelix mentioned his special plans for you, I remembered your favorite dessert. Naomi and I found the recipe in the culinary database, and a bunch of us took over Neelix's galley late last night after the dinner shift. There's divinity, sugar cookies, and chocolate fudge on the table as well."

Kathryn uncovered the plate and a smile lit up her face. She picked up a caramel brownie and took a bite. Her eyes widened at the rich homemade taste. "Naomi, these are every bit as good as my mother's," she said.

"Maybe because my Mom helped a little?"

"I think you're right," said Kathryn. "You know, it's not officially Christmas Eve for me until I've had at least one of these. Thank you both for a very special treat."

"Our pleasure to serve," said a very solemn Captain's Assistant.

~*~

"_How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given!  
So God imparts to human hearts the blessing of his heaven."_

"Gift exchange!" Neelix called out a short time later. Kathryn turned to Chakotay with a puzzled look.

"Neelix and I spent most of the afternoon pairing people up. Don't worry, Kathryn. We have each other's names. I couldn't say anything to you because it would've ruined the surprise. We'll take care of it later. Right now, Neelix wants Voyager's two most senior officers to help distribute the gifts."

The command team moved over to the tree, and was quickly caught up in the excitement of handing out presents. After the unwrapping was well underway, Kathryn went over and sat in the armchair near the fireplace again to watch her crew enjoying themselves. Chakotay saw his moment. He waited for her to get comfortable and then quietly came over and knelt down beside the chair. He handed her a small box wrapped in red foil, and tied with a sheer golden bow.

Kathryn smiled and began to undo the bow. She unwrapped the foil and found a small red velvet box. Glancing at Chakotay for a moment, she opened the lid.

Her breath caught in her throat for the second time that evening. Inside the box was an exquisitely worked piece of silver jewelry, set with iridescent stones, and with an intricate design etched into the metal. Chakotay had obviously spent many hours lovingly creating this for her. She took it out of its case and laid it gently on the palm of her hand to examine it further.

Kathryn and Chakotay were so wrapped up in the moment that neither of them noticed how quiet the room had become. Chakotay broke into her thoughts with that very soft voice he reserved only for her. She looked up from the gift and into his eyes.

"Kathryn, sometimes dreams vanish only to reappear again later in life. If my father was here, he would say that time is a river that flows in only one direction, carrying you away from some things and toward others. He would also talk about how it important it is to honor the past by respecting tradition, and to honor the future by creating new traditions to help carry the old ones forward. That's what tonight is all about."

"I have a vanished dream too, Kathryn, and it's exactly the same as yours. Don't you think we'd have a better chance of finding our lost dreams again if we looked for them together?"

Kathryn looked down at the gift lying on her palm and remembered the day she had first seen the iridescent stones. It was their first shore leave together, very early in their new relationship. She had exclaimed over the gems only to find out that they were exorbitantly priced. Chakotay must have gone back for them, knowing even then how he would set them. As the firelight played on the etched silver, Kathryn sat quietly, mesmerized by the beauty of the craftsmanship. Chakotay continued to kneel patiently at her side.

~*~

_"For lo, the days are hastening on,  
By prophet bards foretold,  
When with the ever-circling years,  
Comes round the age of gold:  
When peace shall over all the earth  
Its ancient splendors fling,  
And the whole world give back the song  
Which now the angels sing."_

B'Elanna was the first one to realize what was happening when she saw the small gift in Chakotay's hand and watched him go down on one knee beside the Captain. She gave both Tom and Harry a nudge, and the whispering quickly spread through the crowd like wildfire. The room fell into a charged silence as the assembled crew held its breath, waiting to see what would happen.

They watched as Chakotay handed the Captain the small, brightly wrapped box. She opened it, and they saw the sudden intake of breath, and how gently Kathryn picked up Chakotay's gift and laid it on her palm. They saw her face slowly flush when he began to speak and watched as she struggled to keep her composure. As quiet as the room had become, it was impossible to hear a single word of what he said to affect her so. Chakotay finished speaking, and Kathryn continued to stare at the piece of jewelry, lost in thought.

The silence stretched on until Tom couldn't stand it another moment. B'Elanna saw him getting restless, but was unable to stop him from breaking the stillness with a question.

"So, Captain, what are you giving Chakotay for Christmas?"

The words startled Kathryn out of her reverie. She looked into Chakotay's eyes, so full of his love for her, slowly nodded, and extended a trembling hand. Chakotay picked up the handcrafted engagement ring from Kathryn's palm and slipped onto her finger, to the joyous cheers of their _Voyager_ family.

~*~

In the words and music of the immortal Irving Berlin,

_"May your days be merry and bright,  
and may all your Christmases be white."  
_  
Happy Holidays!  
50of47

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